Move the fuck ovah, Twilight. This is what's up!

Did anyone else tear up? God, I love life!
I think New Moon is supposed to come out a month after this, which is a damn shame: All of the teenie-boppers (or prostitots, as one of my friends calls them), would rather go watch a movie about Stephenie Meyer a pretty, yet ordinary girl and a sparkly vampire who are void of personalities, than a movie about a wild precocious boy, who dresses in wolf pajamas and cavorts with wild things. It's a book everyone's grown up with. Everyone. I've even seen Spanish copies of this book. Come on, where's everyone's nostalgia? I asked a friend who likes Twilight somebody if they remembered Where the Wild Things Are: "Isn't that that book we read in elementary school?" "Yeah. Do you remember it?" "Yeah. I thought it was creepy". WHAT THE FUCK. And the fact the Edward watches Bella sleep isn't? Max's journey into the sublime is creepy? So Edward (illegally) watching Bella sleep without her knowing is "romantic"? You know what all girls would do if someone spied on them as they slept? They would call the fucking cops on them. Charlie would be all up Edwards tight asshole. Edward would have to register as a sex offender-which is funny because he doesn't have sex-, and the Cullens would have to move like, to Canada, which sucks cajones. And then Rosalie would like, rub it in by having really rough sex with Emmett, and destroy the house and his piano. Esme would be all like 'there's nothing you could have done, bb', and Carlisle like give him the keys to the Benz, and be like 'go son, go. I'm still proud of you'. And Edward would be all like 'I'm a monster. I'm going to sparkle in public and let The Corleones Volturri do me in!!!' Which also suck cajones 'cause he would die a virgin. Lulz! No one should die a virgin. Except children. All children should die virgins.