How Do You Know You Have a Brain Tumor?

So last night I decided to take an Adderall around 2 am. That's right 2am. I had taken one around 11 that day, or the day before, what have you, and I noticed that my concentration was drifting away. I'm certain concentration has a soul, a bleak and fickle one (is concentration a woman?), and it decides to leave you when you really need it. Concentration has commitment issues. Haha. Get it? Or maybe there are dementors who feed on concentration, and when they're around you feel as though all the happiness in the world returns because you no longer have to care about sensibility split across gender lines in Emmeline. No, now you are free to catch an episode of Daisy of Love at 2am. Or read some Perez Hilton. Bliss! And, of course, Adderral is the patronus.
But I went to the kitchen, mostly because when I get restless I tend to wander around and drive my mother insane (but thankfully I don't live with her no more), and I wanted a cookie, and then I went to take my clothes out of the dryer, and then I went upstairs to get my laptop, because dammit, I really was determined to get some work done! Expecto Patronum! But then it occurred to me that I didn't remember taking the pill. !!! I remember I went to the bathroom before going downstairs to get some water, but I only remember checking myself out in the mirror. I don't remember drinking water because I just didn't feel that refreshing taste in my mouth. I searched the entire house, retracing my steps, for that stupid pill; I checked the dryer, the cookie box, the trash, the sink, etc. I counted the number of pills I had left, and there was one less pill from when I last counted. So maybe there's an Adderall loose about my place, waiting for my dog to swallow it. Maybe we'll be able to train him better if he focuses really hard. Or maybe he'll get bad diarrhea.
What does this all have to with cancer? I'm going to tell you. My memory has been deteriorating as of late and I'm skeered. Mostly it's my short term memory. It's gotten so bad that I can't even remember what I did a second ago. Did I turn on the car? Now, I'm not one to become easily alarmed when it comes to my health (everything can be cured with tomato soup and germs are our friends because they have lessons to teach us. Like not eating at Taco Bell because you'll have the stomach flu for the rest of your life), but I'm getting random hand twitches, or I get vertigo for a couple of seconds, and I keep having these dreams where my dentist tells me I have cancer. And lately I've just been doing not so great this semester. I might be getting a D- for the first time in my life. I got an F in fifth grade because I didn't turn in this report on Copeland. When I got my report card I successfully managed to make that F look like a B with a blue erasable pen, and my mother gave me money to go to the mall and buy a Giga Pet. I feel like I can't hit the mark with my essays; my professors just don't like them. I got a paper back that said "you switch your arguments twice in your essay. You lose your train of thought. I'm confused". My intellectual prowess is gone. What does this all mean? Gah! Shit! Why me?! Anyway, does anyone else out there have a brain tumor? Can I make this go away?(Please don't tell me it's the Adderall, because this started way before I started taking it this year, you flamers. Don't flame me, I tell you! Flamers will be extinguished!).
Or maybe I'm getting Alzheimer's. That would suck. But doesn't Alzheimers also affect you long term memory? Actually I'm starting to lose that too. I use to have one of the best memories all around I could even remember the license plate number of the car that cut me off two hours after it happened. Now I can't even remember drunk dialing Amanda at the CU-CSU game. She says I did, but I don't think so. Usually I have more class. I couldn't even remember my cellphone number last week when I gave it to someone I don't even remember.